The Butterfly Stage

      Relationships can be divided into many stages, including but not limited to the Flirting Stage, the First Kiss Stage, the Newly-Together-Annoying-To-Anyone-Who's-Not-You Stage, the Long Term Stage, the Committed Stage, etc. Then there are the not so fun stages filled with all the problems that could possibly arise between two people, but let's not talk about those. Just today, I came to the realization that the stage that had previously achieved My Favorite status has now been bumped to second place. The Cat and Mouse Stage of non-commitment and constant flirtation has been replaced by the Butterfly Stage.

     The Butterfly Stage falls somewhere between the Flirting Stage and the Newly-Together Stage, and has the potential to be both the best and worst stage at the same time. This stage often involves more intense and fluctuating emotions than any other, at least amongst the positive stages. My friend and I coined the name from the tickling feeling that starts in the very pit of your stomach and spreads like an electric current throughout your entire body, as if a thousand butterflies were fluttering their wings beneath your skin. The same feeling occurs in different degrees, but more and more often the longer you remain in this stage. When the feeling peaks, you are usually ready to move on either into the Newly-Together Stage or, as not every ending is happy, the Moving On Stage. 

     Now, the Butterfly Feeling is complicated and difficult to describe to someone who has never felt it and cannot instantly relate. This is where the conflicting emotions display themselves most clearly. See, this one feeling contains the excitement of adventures to come, the thrill of not fully knowing how the other person feels, the danger of putting your heart on the line, the nervousness of wanting to see/talk to him, the comfort of knowing he wants to talk to you too, the worry of not wanting to seem clingy, the other worry of not wanting to seem too distant, the risk of exposing some part of you he might dislike, the urgency to reach the next stage so at least you will know, the fear of reaching the next stage and knowing, the anxiety that you're overreacting to the situation, that humor of recognizing how many emotions you are currently feeling at one time, and the hope that he's feeling this way too!

     The Butterfly Stage can be a bit overwhelming, but it has always been my favorite part of a relationship. After this stage, the rest of the relationship is a piece of cake (delicious at first, but too much can be harmful, and if left unattended will quickly go stale)! The thing is, I've been fleeing from relationships and the unavoidable emotional baggage for years now. I just haven't found someone worth leaving the Cat and Mouse stage for... until now. 

     Somehow, without warning, intent, or permission, I have stumbled into the Butterfly Stage. I'm not ready to talk about him. I'm not ready to say I want a relationship with him. I'm not even ready to say I'm all that thrilled that I came to be in this phase. But I am ready to admit that I'm here and I can't stop smiling when someone says his name. I can't stop thinking about the last things he said to me. I can't stop wondering when we'll talk next. I'm excited, nervous, afraid, cautious, thrilled, worried, giggly, nervous, distracted, confused, overwhelmed, content, and anxious all at the same time. But above all, I'm happy. I love the Butterfly Feeling. I love knowing I have his attention, but being afraid to lose it all at the same time. When did this game involve more adrenaline and challenge than the Cat-and-Mouse game? Did I just forget or has this boy changed the whole game?

     Whatever the reason, I have found new joy in the Butterfly Stage and have no desire to move on any time soon. Who knows, maybe in time, I'll reconsider my current aversion to relationships. .... Maybe.